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| This page addresses
certain unexplained xtra_surf_fial "phenomenon" with the goal
of exposing certain alleged conspiracies against the Rhode Island surfing
community. OK. |
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| X-File 6:
Cams are off; Buoys are down; Surf''s up? Disinformation Bulletin: F04.0001 Former Classification: Code Red: This is not a drill. I repeat, this is not a drill. For immediate release: October 11, 2004 This morning
the buoys are again at 5' with a delicious wave period and the cam is
turned off <again>. Part of me says "cool": the part timers won't
drive unless they see waves <80 people are currently waiting for the cam
to turn on. That's 80 people who are not in the water. A-men.> |
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| X-File 5:
Cryptic email messages Disinformation Bulletin: F03.0002 Former Classification: Code Yellow/Pinkie: Caution suggested for small children and wimen For immediate release: August 17, 2003 Received
the following email recently:
Appox. 18 day's and counting for the Labor Day weekend to come and go.
Next week getting the "Guidomobile" inspected, lube / oil / filter and the
board stripped and re-waxed. Hide the woman & children as "Fast Freddie
the rest of the transmission was lost due to transmission difficulties. Not sure what to make of all this . . . |
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| X-File 4: Drones Disinformation Bulletin: F03.0001 Former Classification: Code Yellow: Caution suggested For immediate release: January 1, 2003 |
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| From the Fort Wayne News Sentinel
01/01/03: "Aerial drones have had starring roles in the war on terrorism, but a new generation of the flying robots is going to be deployed to patrol the U. S. coastline for drug smugglers, refugees and ships in distress." I wonder what the profile looks like for these drones. I mean, do they consider depth of the object as well as length and width? Do they differentiate between a long board and a miniature boat carrying explosives? I can just see it now: A few logs out there in a swell; maybe a kayak or two. All of a sudden Fred or maybe Monsta_Man explodes from a direct hit on their long board. Somewhere in Montana a drone technician high-fives another technician and shouts: "That's one less terrorist bandito trying to infiltrate the USA." I think a representative from SurfRiders needs to be at the table in this Homeland Defense thangy . . . |
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| X-File 3: <BIN>That Black Limo doing 75 in a 50 MPH Zone | |
| Disinformation
Bulletin: F02.0003 Former Classification: Red/Yellow: Eyes only: Do Not Reproduce Original For immediate release: May 16, 2002 |
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| A
few weeks ago I was driving, err, close to the posted limit of 50 on the
way to an anticipated super session at a local secret spot. I
thought there was an early May Fly crawling on my outside left rear view
mirror. I looked closer as the object rapidly grew in size.
At once I thought - police car? But the lights weren't on, and,
besides, it didn't have any lights on top. As it got closer I
realized that it was another one of those long stretch black limos that
are automatically exempt from any and all speed limit maximums in Rhode
Island. I wondered . . . was it Buddy heading back North to the 9 AM start of the current Plunderdome trial now going on in Providence? Maybe it was one of the Foxwoods "managers" being driven home after a long night shift counting the take? And, how come I can't drive 85 MPH on Rt. 1 without being stopped? I always felt I should be accountable for my average vehicular speed going to AND from the water when it is goin' off. So, I reached for my X-File sleuth sun glasses which, when worn, turn that black limo glass into transparent clear glass. I wanted to see what was going on inside and who it was! When what to my wondering eyes should appear but the answer to several of the most top secret intelligence "scoops" ever uncovered in the annals of Rhode Island surfing history. Inside the limo I saw Fred, Bob, Jeff, Edgar, Russ, Victor, Monster, Malabu and several others laughing and giving me the "thumbs down" as they flashed by me. The limo had a quiver of boards all stacked up in the middle and they were using the top board as a table top for the smorgasbord of food and drink. So that's how they always get to the break before me. |
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| X-File 2: <BIN>Things that go Bump In the Night | |
| Disinformation
Bulletin: F02.0002 Former Classification: Yellow: Caution Suggested For immediate release: April 4, 2002 |
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| In the
winter time, especially, there are occasional, unexplained random noises
in the house. You may have been asleep when all of a sudden
"Boom" and you are wide
awake and saying to
yourself "What what that noise?!" Sometimes I'll lay
there without moving and just listen for a while before falling back to
sleep. Other times I'll get up and check things out. A few days ago I was walking around the house in broad daylight doing random stuff when all of a sudden I heard a muffled voice. I stopped. . . whaaaa? Silence. A few minutes later there it was again. Someone was in the house! Not good. I went motionless trying to pinpoint the location. Then I heard it again "Mwgumph outaheah!" What? It was coming from the direction of the coat closet! I snuck up to the door and then heard the muffled voice clearly "Let me outa here!" Threw open the door in full combat stance and . . . there was no one there. Just the usual jackets, coats and the trusty 3/2 stretch wet suit (the one that I hadn't worn since last fall when the water was a whole lot warmer). The 3/2 moved, kinda shook itself off and said "Thanks for opening up the door and letting some light in here. Is it time yet?" "No old buddy; not yet. Water's still in the lower 40's. Go back to sleep and I'll wake you up again in about a month from now." "Don't forget." "I won't. Your friend, Mr. dry suit, has been talking about hibernating. Says the water's starting to git too warm for him so I'll be tucking him in for the summer in a few weeks." "OK. But before you shut the door could you sing me a Beach Boys song?" "NO! Good night!" "Nite." |
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| X-File 1: SAS <Sudden And Serious> | |
| Disinformation
Bulletin: F02.0001 Former Classification: Red/Yellow: Eyes only: Do Not Reproduce Original For immediate release: Feb. 27, 2002 There is a little secret in Rhode Island that nobody talks about so let's make it Installment 1 on the Rider X_Files: The sudden and serious simultaneous failure of all Rhode Island surf cams from daybreak until 9:00 AM any time certain buoys are at 6 feet or greater. (oops - that's 2 secrets) |
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| I have marveled about this in the past: the fact that separate cams, owned by different businesses, can simultaneously fail to work at the same time (for example, this morning). I mean, like, it would be huge for your business if you had the only live feed dealing the truth that is out there. | |
| My wife tells me that she heard it from a friend who has an "in" with the the State of Rhode Island Gestapo ST (school truancy) Police. The secret is now misconfirmed and outed: all surf cam feeds go through the State Bored of Education. If there is early morning surf at any break covered by these surf cams then the feeds are manually interruptecized (cut off) by anti-surf wheezers so that all little boys and girls in Rhode Island who attend school and college won't cut classes to go surfing. | |
| How to deal with this Intel: if all the cams are down simultaneously then go back to bed. That will keep the highways open for this writer who, by the time you read this, is in the middle of some serious | |
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Head High + |
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| surf, all alone, grabbing that set wave that only your best bud catches when you're out there surfing with him at noon time. | |
| If you wish to have the X Network investigate your unexplained phenomena then write us here | |
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